god's muzak

I went to Hobby Lobby yesterday, my guilty pleasure.
Most of their merchandise is pretty dumb, the customers all look like my Baptist stepmother, and the chain seems to have this compulsion to shove their good Christian beliefs down your throat every chance they get. They do, however, have a decent jewelry making department. Nothing unusual or ethnic, just good basic stuff at a good price.
I loves to make me some earrings, so off I went.
I was trying to decide between square multicolored glass beads or ceramic leopard print beads when I realized that the Muzak system was playing an instrumental version of a hymn I remembered from my long-forgotten Southern Baptist childhood, the title of which now escapes me.
I knew this was just wrong.
Muzak for the most part turned into the real songs and not orchestral elevator music sometime in the mid-to-late 90's. Not only was the old time Muzak back again, but it had gotten religion.
I did a bit of research. According to Wikipedia (one of my favorite sites) Hobby Lobby creates it's own Muzak system which is beamed via satellite from their headquarters in Oklahoma City to almost 400 stores across the U.S. All Wiki would claim was that a "large percentage" of their single looping playlist was Christian hymns, but after I started really listening it seemed that every single tune reminded me of a boring childhood Sunday morning in church. I had to go.
My next stop was the grocery store. When I walked in, I was paying very close attention to what they had chosen for my Thursday afternoon shopping pleasure. It happened to be the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and that got me thinking. What if every song chosen for grocery store ambient music had some sort of food mentioned in either the band name or the song title? Would it work on me subliminally? Did I feel like buying jalapenos because they were playing Snow (Hey Oh)? If the Presidents of the United States' Peaches were playing, would I head for the fruit aisle? If it was Baby, I'm a Want You, would I make a beeline for the bakery?
Probably not.
I certainly didn't get saved in Hobby Lobby.