I fell down again the other day. I do this a lot. I don't really know why - no one I know seems to fall down as much as I do. I have big feet and I'm on the spacey side, but I don't think those can be considered valid excuses.
This time I tripped over the cat. This caused me to fall to my knees and fling my travel mug (full of coffee, of course) at the back door. I needed to mop the kitchen floor anyway, and there's now a crescent-shaped dent in the door which I find strangely attractive in a trailer trash sort of way.
I have fallen down flights of stairs twice in my life - both times sober. The first time ended up involving surgery, several months on Workman's Comp and is the most boring story imaginable. My most recent accidental flight happened about 4 years ago in one of those South St. Louis brick 4-families. The upstairs apartments always seem to have wooden stairs that start at a landing and curve around and down to the entrance. My feet got tangled up on the landing, I slid down head first and ended up with my head against the front door and my purse wrapped around my neck - I can only imagine what it must have sounded like to my neighbors. Being the good corporate dweeb that I was, I got up, took some aspirin and went to work. When the big lump on my head started getting bigger, I asked a hypochondriac coworker if he'd ever gotten a concussion. "Let's look it up on the internet!", he cried happily. Nice guy, but he just loved illness and injury. Three of the major symptoms he came up with - headache, confusion and drowsiness - were sort of everyday occurrences with me. The fourth - uneven sized pupils - had him running into my cubicle every half hour for the rest of the day to stare into my eyes. Couldn't have asked for a more dedicated nurse.
I ended up with perfectly even pupils and an enormous bruise the color of a Tahitian sunset on my ass.
There's really no point to this story, but I guess it could serve as a warning. People, if you're walking with me, look sharp.
I could fall on you at any moment.
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